The World According To Ralph: The Pros and Cons of Living With Humans

Hello, my many human readers.

(Which currently consist of, oh lets see, seven people, no eight, ten at the most, any ways)

Most people ask me "Ralph, how can you live so long with humans and not be completely insane?". Well, humans aren’t that bad. They’ll only drive you half insane. I have prepared a list of Pros and Cons of living with humans.

PROS OF LIVING WITH HUMANS

• U2 These guys are just a great band. I liked the new album, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb.
• Lord Of The Rings This was the first human book I ever read. It was to hard for me to read human at the time, so I gave up. Then I saw the movies and I read the book. Quite frankly I liked the book better.
• Live Music from the 60's when the musicians keep on saying "man" Don’t ask. I don’t understand it myself.
• Humans Yes, you guys are okay for all your quirks. I wouldn’t want to be a human, or live with humans for any extended period of time, but you guys are okay.

CONS OF LIVING WITH HUMANS

• Human Stupidity Was it not Lazarus Long who said "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity,". Well, if their’s one part of humanity I could do without is your unfortunate tendency to do stupid things. I’d make a list, but I don’t think I could fit everything on this.
• The Brady Bunch It reminds me of Soundgarden’s video for "Black Hole Sun," except without the weird faces. There is just something creepy about it.
• Expensive Beer I cannot express this enough. YOUR BEER IS TO EXPENSIVE!!!!!! It takes me ten beers to get relaxed. I have recently taken to brewing my own beer in the basement, I’m pretty sure that there is a law against this, but I don’t legally exist so their. In your face Parliament. In your face.
• Height Difference This is just annoying. My head is barely eye level with the kitchen table. I need to get a high chair to eat at restaurants. I’m under three feet tall, while humans are seven. You acn not imagine how annoying this is.

Well, these are the pros and cons of living with humans. Sorry for how long this was, I’ll try to keep more regular updates. Insidently if you guys have any ideas on posts, gladly tell me.