The World According to Ralph: Smurfs, Dungeons and Dragons

Hello, my many human readers.
Well, I thought I would give you an update on the People’s Republic of the Smurfs. They have settled in a pit somewhere near the house. They pretty much ignore us, but recently one called Igor Smurf has defected to our house. I don’t see why, because we aren’t really a government as much as a house, but considering the complete lack of talent of their pilots and military it was pretty wise. They probably couldn’t take the sandbox.
I have been watching these Communist Smurfs recently and I have made a list of the natives, it's not complete.

1. Stalin Smurf, He is the boss of the Communist Smurfs. At least the hairy-symbion that’s controlling his brain and is latched under his nose is. He usually goes out onto the top of his giant mushroom house and yells a lot.
2. Village Idiot Smurf, Pretty much does anything he’s assigned to do. Nice kid, but is as dumb as a post.
3. Guevara Smurf, the only member of the Smurf militia with any competence. The only problem is that he’s to short to be taken seriously by us and he’s the only one with any competence. He could probably take the Sandbox by himself, but he would be chased out later because of a squirrel or something.
4. Grocho Smurf, He serves no purpose besides making puns. He has a larger mustache then Stalin Smurf, but so far it’s not threatened it(Stalin Smurf’s mustache) in anyway.
5. Chico Smurf, Nice hat, Italian accent, no skills
6. Harpo Smurf, Hangs out with Zeppo Smurf a lot. Doesn’t talk but talks using a series of whistles and honks.
7. Zeppo Smurf, Were not so sure what he does.

Anyway, Writer may have told you that I have a version of myself in the Dungeons and Dragons Universe. I thought I would take some time to talk about it. It is really a very interesting experience for me and I would like to take some time to talk about it.
First of all, Our group is dysfunctional. It’s manly Krisco’s fault (He’s the giant fire-snake-person-thing). He really hate’s Ruric, who I guess is our team leader what with the fact that he’s the only dwarf we got and we’re going to find a lost Dwarven City that’s probably crawling with Drow and what not, and to tell you the truth we aren’t really that experienced. Currently, the highest is Nai’Atha(Writer’s main character) and that’s only because he did a bonus round. He’s only level 3, though and only knows one cool spell, magic missile, but’s that’s it. Also, Umpsh is completely deficient in language. He called Ruric Gold Piece out of some mistake in language, but he’s a good fighter and probably the only person in our group who can hold of Krisco if he eventually turns on us, not for awhile mind you but enough for us to escape. I guess that if worse comes to worse, me and Nai’Atha can run of with everything of value and run to the next city, course considering the fact that Krisco’s a giant fire-snake-person-thing, I’ll just run of with whatever Ruric and Umpsh have of value.
Also, I hear that people say there is a Satanic influence on the D&D game. I will say that it is addicting, but there are no Satanic curses or whatever you think it is on the game. It’s mainly just paganism which is a good, wholesome religion.

This is Ralph (AKA Ralz’Chi’Ryn) signing off.