Sorry, I haven’t blogged recently. It’s been a crazy past few days.
First, and what will be the only subject on this blog. My great-uncle died a few days ago. We are going to the funeral today, so I get today of. I guess that is okay if this wasn’t going to be such a sad day.
This is bringing up all kinds of emotions for me. Manly bad ones that I haven’t felt before. It’s like all of a sudden a part of my soul just disappeared and I don’t know how. It is very confusing and sad. I barely even knew the guy, but I feel sad because my mom knew him and my grandparents knew him, and it makes them sad. And I don’t like it when people close to me feel sad. It makes me feel very sad.
First, and what will be the only subject on this blog. My great-uncle died a few days ago. We are going to the funeral today, so I get today of. I guess that is okay if this wasn’t going to be such a sad day.
This is bringing up all kinds of emotions for me. Manly bad ones that I haven’t felt before. It’s like all of a sudden a part of my soul just disappeared and I don’t know how. It is very confusing and sad. I barely even knew the guy, but I feel sad because my mom knew him and my grandparents knew him, and it makes them sad. And I don’t like it when people close to me feel sad. It makes me feel very sad.
The following is a song by Pink Floyd. I don’t know if my great-uncle liked Pink Floyd, but I snag it to myself when I was alone in my room. I started crying when I did it. It’s called Wish you were here, and is on the album of the same name. I recommend you listen to it. It is a good album.
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.Looking at it, it doesn’t have much to do with the situation, except that we wish he was here.
4 comments:
I'm sorry writer. I really am. If it helps you at all, I understand what it's like. A few years ago my great grandmother died, whom I barely knew, but I cried so much when she died, just because everyone else was so sad. It was very confusing for me, because I really didn't know her well enough to really be sad because of her passing. I realized a couple years (and several funerals) later that the reason I cried so much was because everyone else knew her so well and they were sad, and I was just sad that I never got to know the woman whose passing devastated everyone. If that makes any sense at all to you... it's hard to explain.
Anyways, again, I'm sorry.
*hug* if it helps.
Thank you Steph, I understand
Hi,
I posted up here a month or so ago, been reading your weblog since. Sad to here about what has happened with your uncle. I lost my father last year in tragic circumstances and I still haven't fully got over it. As you say, this is maybe different as you didn't know the guy so well, but still it is a difficult thing to deal with, especially with the kind of strange and saddening atmosphere that pervades the house. I hadn't encountered bereavement before so it is a very unsettling experience if you havent felt these kind of emotions before. I think it is maybe a little more difficult if you are on the high-functioning end of the autistic spectrum as we often tend to be very emotional people and feel emotions very intensely, even though some of us hide this by coming across as being the very opposite. My friends always tell me I am so laid-back and nothing seems to bother me, yet inside I feel things very deeply.
It's a difficult thing to deal with, but the thing to remember is that your relative would expect you to be sad for them and to grieve, but at the same time they would prefer that after a while you should celebrate their life rather than feeling down and mourning them for too long.
It's something all of us have to deal with at one time or another but I think it's harder if you've never felt those emotions before. You will get to feel better though.
Incidentally, the Floyd track is one people often associate with dealing with loss. I remember some singer, out of the Smashing Pumpkins I think, saying he played that record a lot to help deal with his grandmother's death when he was young. Floyd are a band who make a lot of music with quite emotional subject matter, which is one of the reasons I like them.
Still, hope you feeling better soon and things are OK. Speak to you again soon.
Cheers, Mark B.
Thanks, Mark, and it was my great Uncle.
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