Introducing the World's Most Incompatent Terrorists

For awhile I've had these two characters I've been calling Achmed and Sharpy. bouncing around in my head. I know there cousins and where born in Palestine. I know they work or worked with Hamas at one point. I also know they are just about the last people you'd expect to be terrorists. They're well educated, probably going to some European university to get Arts degrees, dream of driving down Route 66 and tend to avoid situations that will get them killed. They are pretty much, middle-eastern hipsters who have been shanghaied into religious fundamentalism, with slapstick results, or tragicomic.

I'm not really sure what to do with these guys, or even if I should keep calling them Achmed and Sharpy. I was going to change Sharpy's name to the Arabic word for sharp, but when I tried to find it the writing was in, surprise, Arabic. Of course, there from Palestine and I don't even know what they speak in Palestine. I just checked Wikipedia, Palestinians speak Arabic.

I've just changed there names to Hakim and Shadi. I may even most something about them on my blog for you guys.

Big Ol' Update, and Bob Dylan's hair

Well it's finally happened. I am going to get my haircut. Today at 1845 hours, I will get my magnificent head of long hair cut off. My mom bribed me with $100 dollars worth of Itunes, since I've spent 25 of that already I'm obliged to get it cut. The style in question is going to be a sort of early Bob Dylan thing. If that goes well I might try out the electric-era Cate Blanchett style of Bob Dylan hair cut.

On the subject of Bob Dylan, I saw the bio-flick they did of him awhile back with the six different people. It was a pretty cool trip. It was also creepy how Cate Blanchett looked the most like Bob Dylan of any of the assembled Bob Dylans. The overall effect of using six different actors to play Bob Dylan gave the film a very surreal effect, and I always love a bit of surrealism.

I've been working at the local museum for community service hours, which I need to get done by the end of the month. Basically I have to get everything into boxes for the big move. I also have yet to get an actual job, but I've been looking around. My employment specialist is helping me look and hopefully I'll have one for the summer.

Tomorrow I'm going to the University of Waterloo to look around again. It looks like I'm going here and that I'm going to Conrad Grebel, despite first impressions, it is seeming to be the place to go. It's small, comfortable and they can get me my own room if I go with them. That and they have good food. I also hope to sell some books I don't need anymore, the proceeds of which will probubly go to more books.

The Ten Commandments of the Golden Age of Detective Fiction and How I Will Break Them

I plan on writing detective fiction. To do this I have been reading mystery novels and stories, such as Sherlock Holmes and The Lady in the Lake, by Raymond Chandler. Along the way I have discovered the works of Rex Stout, who wrote about a detective team consisting of Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin. Nero Wolfe sits at home and receives the information while Archie goes out and gets it. I am positive that Wolfe is an Aspie. I'll write about it later.

In my travels I have learned about something called the Golden Age of Detective Fiction, which took place around the 1920's and 30's. The basic story behind most of these is that a group of people are gathered in a secluded place, generally an old British mansion, and someone dies. The detective must figure out who did it. These stories are generally very proper and very British. There are even a set of Ten Commandments written by a guy called Ronald A. Knox.

I plan on breaking every or most of the rules that he has.

1. The Criminal must be mentioned in the early part of the story, but must not be anyone whose thoughts the reader has been allowed to follow. Not a rule that should be to hard to break. The Criminal can be mentioned later or could be the main character. I heard that Agatha Christie did the later once, so this might be one of the rules that I don't break.
2. All supernatural or preternatural agencies are ruled out as a matter of course. So far, my main detective is Jack Blackwright, an Irish sorcerer with connections to various secret societies. This rule has been broken before I even knew it was a rule.
3. Not more then one secret room or passage is allowable. Screw that, I'll have as many secret passageways as I want.
4. No hitherto undiscovered poisons may be used, nor any appliance which will need a long scientific explanation at the end. Explain it in the middle or don't explain it at all.
5. No Chinaman must figure in the story. This rule is racist and stupid. Yet oddly funny.
6. No accident must ever help the detective, nor must he ever have an unaccountable intuition which proves to be right. I'm taking Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks as an inspiration for Jack, so dreams are a valid source of evidence in my world. Throwing rocks at a bottle may also be acceptable.
7. The detective himself must not commit the crime. Hm, breaking that rule does seem to ruin the story. I think Agatha Christie broke it before I did anyways.
8. The detective is bound to declare any clues upon which he may happen to light. Jack is somewhat paranoid and will hide information he has if he sees it as a good idea.
9. The stupid friend of the detective, the Watson, must not conceal from the reader any thoughts which pass through his mind; his intelligence must be slightly, but very slightly, below the average reader. Max Scarlett, the Watson in the Jack Blackwright stories is going to be smarter then the average reader.
10. Twin brothers, and doubles generally, must not appear unless we have been duly prepared for them Yeah, that does seem a bit like a cop out.

Alright, I'm probably not going to break all of these rules, except the one about the supernatural because that's what I write, and the one about Asians because that is just plain racist. Anyways, just thought I'd tell you that.

Japanese Me

Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out if I was born in Japan.

I tend to hang out with anime and manga fans during Lunch and art. I'm not into that kind of stuff, but I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be born into an alien culture. How much would it affect me? If I was born into a Japanese family, but with the basic structure of my family in take (My parent's would have the same job, I'd have the same siblings, I'd still believe that I was a cat for awhile during my early childhood). Would I still have discovered the same books? Would I have discovered somethings earlier or later? Would I be into things that I care nothing about at the moment? Would I have a bunch of records by Tomoyasu Hotei and the 5,6,7 and 8's? Would I be a fanatic Haruki Murakami fan, or would I be nuts about Yoshio Mishima?
How about the rest of my family? Would we be Christian, or would we be Buddhist? How would being a native Japanese affect my family? Would Spirte be one of those Harajuku people that Gwen Stafani has a thing for? Who am I kidding, of course she would be. According to Wikipedia, cuteness or Kawaii, is highly prized in Japanese pop culture. I don't see myself as being that into the whole Kawaii factor, though.
What about Delila? Would she be really into Yukio Mishima, or would he be to much for her, what with being a somewhat depresive homosexual with radical right-wing beliefs who commited ritual samurai in rejection of the Americans. No, I don't think she'd be like that. She might be a bit into Kawaii, but not completely. I'd probubly be into more into Mishima then anyone else, but I don't think I would be that into him.
To be honest I don't even know that much about Japanese culture. Here's a list of what I know about it.

• It is a very ancient culture with time honored traditions, which has adjusted well to the modern world.
• They've got really weird TV shows (live Tetris and Pacman), and toilets.
• They have writers such as Yukio Mishima and Haruki Murakami
• Cuteness is good
• There technology kicks ass
• They're one of the G7
• There is a whole section that leads to everything one would need to know about Japanese culture on Wikipedia. I don't know anything about it, but it could be an interesting read.
  

I'm looking over Japanese subcultures now. Apparently during the 1960's, the youth revolution affected Nippon as well. This started a bunch of things called Zokus, which is Japanese for Tribe. I'd probubly have Zoku sympathies, especially the futen-zoku who are basically Japanese hippies.
Looking at all this stuff on Wikipedia, there dosn't seem to be many places where I could fit in Japanese culture. I'd probubly be reading alot of stuff I don't know about, but I still think I'd be reading the kind of stuff I'm reading now, i.e. The Beat Generation, The Master and Margarita.
On the subject of Aspergers Syndrome in Japan, they are aware of it. There's a place called "Asperger Society Friendly-Club." They'res also an Asperger Syndrome support group, but the information is in, surprise, Japanese. So I would have all the resources that I have now, just in Japanese. Since I would be Japanese, that wouldn't be a problem.

How to get David Lynch to not bug you about an Iphone

There's a British Man in the Basement

So I got home from Art class and what should I see but a strange truck in the driveway. My dad's a plumber, but this was a different plumbing van. I enter the house and say "Hello?" and someone replied back in an accent I can't pick up "Hello." I go to investigate and there's this man hunched over in the corner. He says he's here to fix the water heater and I recognize a British accent. I say okay and go upstairs. Now I can't wash my hands for twenty minutes, although by now it's got to be fifteen.

In other news, Lost is on tonight. There on the season finale, which means there going to answer all those annoying questions about the island soon. Unfortunately, it means there's not going to be any new Lost episodes. This makes me sad, because Lost is a really good show and it's basically all I have going on Thursdays. Now all I've got is Heroes, so the narrative had better pick up because Season 2 was seriously lagging. I figure the thing to do is write a bunch of stories as a TV series of my own. I could set them up as a novel or something.

My First Posted MSN conversation (My name isn't really David)

David says:
If I could I'd bring you a big box full of books
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
:)
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
if you could, i'd be happy
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
but for now i'll be happy with the thought of it
David says:
If I am able, then what books would you want?
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
heh, i could spend the next three straight days listing books i want dylan
David says:
Well, get down to that and I'll send you whichever ones I find
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
nah, you don't have to send me any books... that'd be horrendously expensive
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
thanks for the thought though
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
hans and i are going to oslo next month, so i can pick up a few new books there, if all goes well
David says:
Okay, good luck
David says:
Maybe you could come over to Canada and we could go bookshopping here
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
that would be wonderful
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
maybe some day
David says:
Maybe when I have my own place
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
yep
David says:
You and Hans could come over and I could show you around whatever town I'm in, probubly Toronto
David says:
you and Hans can come over, buy a bunch of used books on the cheap, see the local sights and I'll make you pancakes and back-bacon,
David says:
We'll have a real canadian time
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
hahaha
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
i may have to use that line one of these days
David says:
We can all drink beer, wear tooks and call each other "hozers"
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
wooo!
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
then after we've drank all the beer, we can walk through the streets singing O Canada even though i don't know the words
David says:
There I draw the line
David says:
I have a thing against National Anthems, all national anthems
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
hehehe
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
don't blame you there
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
btw, i may have to post part of this convo on my blog... would you mind?
David says:
Oh, sure go ahead
David says:
Mind if I post this on my blog as well, I never posted a conversation before
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
nope, not at all
David says:
Great, I'm going to do it now
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
hehe
(Steph) "I'm going to wack you in the face with my very big stick!" says:
go for it

The Long Road to University

Well, it's official, I am no longer taking the Internet Course.

It turns out that I don't have to take this course to get out of school, which was the only thing that was keeping me in it (and the chance to read 20'000 Leauges Under the Sea). However, the course was getting a bit annoying. The teacher was odviously swamped with paperwork so I could barely get my projects back, which I was behind on as it was. Also, the last project was going to take alot of work. I'd have to make a power point project on the literary history of a country or ethnic group, giving 4-6 examples of a major literary movement within them, 4-6 major authors from the chosen country/region/group, explain the style of the various movements, how they affected world literature and explain why I choose these praticular writers. It would have taken me way more time then I had. I have a copy printed of to do in my spare time.

It's at this time when I have quit my Internet Course that I would like to make a confession. I never completed the Mill on the Floss. There I said it and now there is nothing anyone can make me do about it. Ha ha. The book made me to angry, because it showed very cruel treatment to women. Towards the middle of the book I couldn't go two pages without completely going berserk. I'll write another post about it sometime, but not know.

And on the thing to University, we are not completely ruling out Conrad Grebel. You may remember it as the place where the lady didn't seem prepared to take me because of my Aspergers Syndrome. Well it turns out that they're still interested and may give me a single room. They could probubly help, but I need to figure out somekind of way for me to be of some use to there carefully planned society. So far all I've got is that I will give my various dorm-mates experience with autistic people, which is good since the population of autistic folks is growing. Anyways, I'm meeting with a friend later today who will help me put a spin on the interview.

And that's all I've got now.

Detective Fiction

The first Jack Blackwright story has been written. It's called "Godot is Dead" and is about the murder of an actor playing Godot in a sequel to Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot. It was based on an idea to write an existential murder mystery. Steph read it and it didn't make much sense to her. I think I came of as writing an absurdist murder mystery, which may just be most stories about Jack Blackwright. I'm also working on the first novel or novella.

I'm becoming more and more interested in the mystery genre. I've been reading various Sherlock Holmes stories, as well as picking up an anthology about detective duos. I read the one story about Nero Wolfe, whome I had only known as Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler's love-child in the Wold Newton Family. I am pretty sure that Nero Wolfe has Aspergers Syndrome. Because of this, I plan on making a closer look into detective fiction. I'm probubly going to make the two main novels in the Sixties Series based around Mysteries. I know the Summer of Love novel has a court case of somekind. Also, murder play a heavy role in the second novel.

Anyways, just thought I'd update you on where my writing is going.

Slow Day

Today has been a sick day.

I've come down with a cold, or my allergies are acting up. I've finally faced the fact I have them. In this case, allerigies to spring. I've been home all day and have only worn a dressing-gown. I could feel the disease inside me. I can't feel much of it now.

I've officially finished half my course today. Now I need to do ten more. It shouldn't be to hard. I found a podcast for "A Tale of Two-Cities," and Post-Modernism is basically watching The Matrix. I don't know why a literacy course has a movie for it. My guess is all the really big post-modernist novels have sex and drugs in them or something. And one of the Modules is just a reading journel so I can do that in a day. This week I've got to read "The Miller's Daughter" by Emile Zola and "A Tale of Two-Cities," by Charles Dickens. Shouldn't be to much of a problem. I'll pick up the book at the library and read along.

That's basically it. Sick days don't generate alot of posting material.

500

It's official, I am now at 500 Posts. Since the last day I posted, I did quite alot of stuff I want to make sure you all had a chance to read it. I'm writing this on the 25th of April, but will post it when you've all answered the Movie-Quote Test thing.

And so as not to make this a completely innane test, you can all watch this youtube clip of the 1973 movie "The Final Programme", based on the Michael Moorcock novel of the same name.

Guess The Movie!

Hey, I found this contest on DeviantArt. Basically, you have to guess which movie this is from. Warning, I'm into some obscure movies.

1. Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?
2. You know, this used to be a helluva good country. I can't understand what's gone wrong with it.
3. Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?
4. Do you find me sadistic? You know, Kiddo, I'd like to believe that you're aware enough even now to know that there's nothing sadistic in my actions. At this moment, this is me at my most masochistic.
5. We thought about it for a long time, "Endeavor to persevere." And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union.
6. Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!
7. Learn French or die.
8. Oh, him? He's harmless. Part of the free speech movement at Berkeley in the sixties. I think he did a little too much LDS.
9. Nothing an eight ball, a porn star and a tattoo parlor can't handle
10. You are seven years old. You are a man. Bury your first toy and your mother's picture.
11. Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. So long Holly.
12. Now, repeat after me: "Homosexuality is the best all-round cover an agent ever had."
13. Pepperland is a tickle of joy on the blue belly of the universe. It must be scratched. Right, Max?
14. Can you count, suckers? I say, the future is ours... if you can count!
15. I'm voting for Dukakis.
16. Boys, you got to learn not to talk to nuns that way
17. You know, that's good, because if you actually were as innocent as you pretend to be, we'd never get anywhere
18. That weapon will replace your tongue. You will learn to speak through it. And your poetry will now be written with blood.
19. I can guarantee the closest shave you'll ever know.
20. Tut, tut. Such ingratitude after all the times I saved your life.

There, now we see how many you guys get. Remember, you have to identify them yourself.

The Worst Former Celebrety TV Show Ever

Some ideas are just so odvious they should not be made into a series. Case in point: Celebrety Rehab. Yes, we can now watch a program about celebreties, most likely washed-up ones, kick there junk habit. Here's an example of an episode.

On the series premiere of "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew" eight drug addicted celebrities check themselves into rehab under the care of Dr. Drew Pinsky and begin their difficult battle for sobriety. As each celebrity (Brigitte Nielsen, Joanie "Chyna Doll" Laurer, Jeff Conaway, Daniel Baldwin, Seth "Shifty" Binzer, Mary Carey, Jaimee Foxworth & Jessica Sierra) is introduced, their painful backstory and struggle with drugs is profiled. Dr. Drew begins to analyze and assess his patients' struggles through a series of one-on-one meetings, but his attention is pulled away by a drunken, doped up Jeff Conaway who lapses into a seizure and ends up being rushed to the hospital.

Okay, first off, I don't know who any of these people are. Alright, except for Brigette Nielsen, but that's only because I saw her on the Surreal Life (which wasn't at all Surreal). Second, who wants to see a bunch of washed up celebreties kick there drug habit. I have an idea what withdrawal syndromes are like and it is not pretty. I know that there are probubly alot of drugged-up celebreties, but that is no reason to make a show about it damn it. They're poor junkies, not guenie pigs for another lame television show.

On the plus side, when the ideas get this stupid, reality TV is bound to be close to death.

Haikus I-IV

Haiku I
This is Haiku One
First in a Haiku Series to
be finished at death.

Haiku II
The three art students
Paint a thong on a computer.
I feel superior.

Haiku III
Girl thinks Ginsberg kid
In Brown's Latin Class. Damn it.
Nobody reads the classics.

Haiku IV
Internet Course says
Write a mock epic. I did
And I hated it.

I've been considering writing Haiku. It's short and simple and many great writers wrote it, so why not me. Kerouac wrote Haiku, Richard Wright wrote Haiku, Charles Bukowski might have written Haiku, I'm not sure. But here are my first four Haikus. Share and Enjoy!

David Lynch on Youtube (Mainly a guy who looks like David Lynch)

Here's a video of David Lynch talking about the Iphone. Warning, there is swearing.

And here's videoes of David Lynch solving people's everyday problems.

Identify the people on the following list without using Wikipedia or anything like that

I feel lonely. It's like I'm the only person around who knows who Jack Keroauc, William S. Burroughs, Allen Ginsberg, Alejandro Jodorowsky, David Lynch or anyone else cool is. I could probubly go on about how isolated an lonely I am, but who wants to read that.

End of post.

YEAH! Someone I can connect with!

Well, I have to do my first test soon. I'm not doing it now, because I'm concentrating on getting all my DeviantArt stuff done. Thankfully, I am also very close to finsihing the second fourth. I'm feeling very confident about getting all this finished so I can go on to reading something interesting like "The Hounds of the Baskervilles."

I kind of had Tango lessons yesterday, but it was basically going over the steps I know. Not alot of people showed up, basically it was just me, Max and Max's girlfriend. It was pretty cool, we talked about praying mantis which Max believes are all really butch lesbians(the women at least), psychedelic drugs and books. I also hung out with Max a bit while we walked over to his place of buisness.

I think Max may be one of the few people I can actually connect with. We're both writers and artists, we both have strong counter-culture leanings. Also, I don't have to explain everything I'm into with him. He also said I should try writing screenplays, since from what he's read I'm better at dialouge. I think he has a point, so now I'm re-writing "The Last Dance Revolution" as a movie. Now all I need to do is get Johnny Depp to play Naos.

One last thing, my Employment Specalist called and it looks like I might get a job soon. Just thought I'd tell you.

Course Confusion, Residence Searches and (More Importantly) Wold Newton Speculation

I hate my Internet Course. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I just got back some information on a formal outline I did for an essay I didn't need to write, and the teacher said I was doing it wrong in a way that said I wasn't doing anything wrong and it confuses me and all I can think is "Who is she to tell me how to write an outline? She's not even here! If I thought of her as an actual human being as compared to some invisible entity that judges my work from a distance and who I could actually talk to then we wouldn't have a problem, since I could actually discuss this with her. And that's how I ended up at the public library.
So, in other news my Mom and I checked out the University at Waterloo to see if there was another residence besides Conrad Grebel that I could go to. On Thursday we looked at Renison and yesterday we looked at St. Paul's. Renison was great. They said they would try and get me a single room, which I liked. I would make a terrible roommate. Since my main interests are making family trees for fictional characters and odd, obscure books and films, combined with my lack of social skills and possibly annoying nightly habits. (Listening to Little Steven's Underground Garage at 10:00 PM till Midnight on Sundays), I would not make the best of roommates. I should recognize that a roommate is a possibility, and prepare. Also, I liked the feel of Renison better then St. Pauls. The rooms and halls in Renison felt better. Also, Renison has more experience with autistic people such as myself.
I've been looking at various Wold Newton articles and am beginning to realize that there is alot of discrepencies between them. The involvement of Superheroes is something I'm not sure about. Maybe some comic book characters, such as a very limited translation of Shang Chi I can except because of his involvement with Fu Manchu, but Superman and the Fantastic Four seem to be pushing it. And don't get me started on who Captain Nemo is really. I'm going for he's the Immortal Alchemist Joseph Balasmo, as well as Robur the Conqueror, Arthur Gordon Pym, The Count of Monte Cristo and possibly Hagbard Celine and John Sunlight. The traditional concept was that Captain Nemo was an alias of Professor Moriarty.
From what I can see here, I may just be picking and choosing what to put in my own version of the Wold Newton Universe. So because of this, pretty much all superheroes are going to be left out, or altered. I can see Constantine and Octobriana in there. Also, I'm thinking about using the information in the Star Inn Meteorite to help the back story, as well as looking into some other meteroites to back up any families descended in Africa, Asia and the Americas.
Also, I'm starting to wonder if I should adjust some version of the Wold Newton Myth into my own mythology. I've already worked in the works of Michael Moorcock, H.P. Lovecraft and the Marquis de Sade's work into my mythology, why not take it further. I don't know if I'll actually put the Wold Newton family in there directly, but I've got three major families (The Blackwrights, The Saint-Clairs and the Howllers). I doubt that I'll make it part of the whole thing, but I'll probubly make it seem like they are part of the over all mythos. I don't see Doc Savage or Tarzan appearing alongside Orlando Morningstar or Jack Blackwright, but the basic idea is something to play around with.

Tango Lessons

So as my readers should know if they care about my social life, I am taking Tango lessons after school at 6. My teacher is fellow student Max (not real name), or as I actually call him De Quincy. I call him De Quincy because he smokes tobacco out of an opium pipe. Since he's the kind of guy who read Confessions of an English Opium Eater, he gets the refrence. Actually, anybody who would smoke anything out of an Opium pipe would be aware of the refrence. If your not, Thomas De Quincy is a guy who smoked alot of Opium and wrote a book about it. This was all during the 1800's or something. Give me a second to check Wikipedia.(...). It was written in 1822.

So, in the Tango lessons, I am considered pretty good. I'm very proud of that. My partner is Max's girlfriend, which is a bit of a joke in the class as the Tango is a known as a sexually-charged dance. Today was pretty good, because I'm really starting to get the hang of the Tango. I told Max's girlfriend (let's call her Cathrine), that I wanted to get out of the loveless German marriage Tango we were doing. By loveless German Tango, I mean that she'd actually lean on my hip during the dip. Because of my poor muscle structure she leaned a bit herself. We did that a couple times. One time I really caught Cathrine off guard while dipping her. I was a bit disconcerted by this but she said it was alright and that I was doing good.

And that's all.

Beat Generation Videos I Found, Part 2: Naked Lunch Feature

Here are some videos of William S. Burroughs. Sorry for the poor quality.