The World According To Ralph: Tabloids and The Creation of the Big Ol' Caravan to Colorado

Hello you crazy homo sappiens, you.
First of, I want to talk about an article from an old copy of that great article from your journalists in the World Weekly News.
Well, two really.
Okay, Three.

First, they say that they have figured out how to make dogs that can smell non-Americans because of the special American gene. I find this racist, which is a problem almost verging on being humorous if humans’ didn’t take this so seriously. Anyway, I’d like to say that the American people have no similar genetic markings making them different from the rest of the human population. Except for the Supersoldiers, but they are all contained in the secret bases on [CENSORED]
As I said, there on [CENSORED]
There on [CENSORED]
[CENSORED]
I’m sorry, know to get [CENSORED]
Alright, I will [CENSORED] stop trying to give away the location of the Supersoldiers.

Second, there was an article about how a giant cockroach had came into some woman’s apartment and ate some peas. This woman had a gun handy, and was able to kill the cockroach it could make an attack on her child. I would like to say that I have met the Giant Subterranean Cockroaches and they are a peace loving people and vegetarians.
Last, There was a bit about a cat woman living in a Hillbilly community with a Cat Lady with a hundred cats. This is quite possible because of the genetic experiments made by rouge American geneticists and we have encountered human/cat hybrids. This one lacks the means to speak, but that is probably because she is predominately human and therefore not as advanced as the predominately cat hybrids and as anyone knows, cats are far superior to humans.

And know, the main bit. We have been preparing for the great journey to Colorado. Since Writer has a vast amount of Imaginary Friends we are all coming along. To do this however, we need quite a lot of vehicles. Naous has been able to retrofit a few school buses and some of the other guys have gotten cars. Hmm, this isn’t that long. I’ll add the tabloid bit to the title.
In conclusion, Remember in National Treasure Were they figured out the thing by looking at the Benjamin Franklin Letters and used Numbers.
33, 43, 6, 27, 75, 58, 8, 1, 23, 13, 2, 39, 1, 7, 9, 4, 3, 27, 6, 1, 8, 7, 16, 9, 44, 6, 3, 16, 31, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 16, 1, 1, 8, 1, 111, 18, 1, 61, 15, 38, 1, 2, 428, 19, 1, 1, 6, 26, 5, 27
Bye and may your summers be filled with Smores Ice Cream and Red Balloons.