If All Obama's potential assassins are this stupid, then he's going to be okay

A friend of mine once showed me this sight called Fundees Say The Darnedest Things, which basically makes fun of all the crazy stuff Fundamentalists Say, such as the world is really 6000 years old and atheists worship Satan. Well, I'm looking through there sister sight Conspiracy Theorists Say the Darnedest Things, when I came across this attempt at Barack Obama's life. If you like dark humour then this is for you, but I must warn you there are some racist comments that I don't share. I found the overall presentation hilariously incompetent.

ok we have 6 days until my Presidential Assasination.

Yes, I have decided I will assasinate Barack Obama. It's really nothing personal about the man. He speaks well, has a loving although controlling wife and two cute daughters. But I know it's for the country's own good that I do this. And I'm not racist either, my family is a little, but isn't all Italian and european families? I mean how many times have you heard the word nigger in the comforts of your home? I have a lot, and it really bothered me and I would confront them about it. No, it's not because I'm racist that I will kill Barack, it's because I can no longer allow the Jewish parasites to bully their way into making the American people submit to their evil ways. How many of you Obama supporters are now disappointed after some of his arm-twisted Jewish appointee decisions??? Make's you think he's not really in charge(which he isn't). No it's the same old, same old filthy muther-fucking kikes who are
poisoning America, who have murdered thousands of innocent lives on 9-11-01, and
are thinking that they are going to get away with it again.

Barack, I view more as a sacrificial lamb, but the sacrifice MUST take place. He had good intentions, but like the Steve Taylor song goes, "a politician next door, swore, he'd set the Washington arena on fire, thinks he'll gladiate them, but they're gonna make him a liar."

So, I'm stuck here in Mississippi, and I'll need bus fare or some way of getting to Washington. I don't own a gun, so maybe someone can give me one. And I'll need a leak in the secret service to get a close up shot, somewhere close to the podium, since I've never fired a gun, so I need to get an easy shot off. Wattdysay fellas? Any help?

You all know we can't live with the jewscum anylonger, dont cha? You got a better solution? I'm all ears.

Stevie

(Note: This man was reported by an admin and arrested by the
secret service)

Alright, for those of you who missed this I am now going to go over what he did wrong.

1. Said he was going to kill the President of the United States on the Internet
2. SAID HE WAS GOING TO KILL THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES ON THE INTERNET!
3. Said he wasn't racist then began to berate the Jews
4. Asked the nice racists hillbillies on the Internet for support. He asked for a gun, an opening in to shoot Obama from (which I presume he would get from the people who are trying to make sure this doesn't happen) and BUS FAIR! I mean, the gun and the opening was ballsy, but freakin' bus fair!
5. Used his name and gave a basic address (Stevie, Mississippi)
6. Gave a time frame of this (6 days)
7. Presumed the Fed were stupid.

I thought I'd just post this for my readers because the FBI shouldn't be the only people laughing at this guy.

Grand Canyon Creation Theories, or why my religion kicks everyone else's religion's buts

You guys are going to love this. Turns out that the Grand Canyon isn't allowed to have books about how the canyon naturally formed over millions of years, BUT it is allowed to have books about how the Grand Canyon was formed during Noah's flood. Oh, this is going to be fun. Do you know what time it is kiddies?

The Voices of a thousand happy children: MASS CONCERVATIVE CONSPIRACY THEORY TIME!

That's right kiddies. Isn't this priceless, isn't it? I mean this is just a juicy excuse to beat up on the Religious Right. So what's the major complaint here? Well, it could be that they are only selling one thing theory. The people at the grand canyon should be having a whole bunch of theories, not just one (which is probubly wrong anyway).

And why do we have this problem? Because of Dogma. No not the movie Dogma, that was good. I mean the pointless rules we all follow for no reason. Let's face it, the idea of the entire world being drowned by a vengeful God is neither pleasent nor practical. I mean come on, the only decent people in the world were Noah, his wife, and there three sons and there son's wives? (Or maybe just Noah and his sons, this is still before feminism remember). And the entire world was destroyed in a flood? This isn't painting a pretty picture for God. This is making God seem like a bastard. If this is God then you religious freaks can have that bastard. And if that's the way things actually are then God can go to hell (or I can go to hell, whatever comes first). I refuse to worship a God who thinks on that level.

So, to tick of the Religious Right and the Bush adminstration, I hearbye declare a new religion, which will be placed above all other religions. And this religion will be called My Religion, and it will dictate that all religions are bogus and that all religions are part of the one real religion in which everything is united into an ultra cool stew of spirituality and imagination. And yes, I stole alot of this from reading Alan Moore's Promethea and yes, I'm very sure that the Sufi's beat me to this, but I'm still declaring the creation of My Religion.

Since I have no declared my own religion I will know be excepting converts. Entry into my religion will be simple, first you find a bunch of stuff in New Age books, science ficion novels and other random stuff and declare that your religion. The key here is not to really believe it, what you are currently believing is just a way to make you a better person, your not suppose to kill anyone about it. (NOTE: Once you add your bits of the religion, it becomes Your Religion, not My Religion. You may call it my religion, but it will no longer be My Religion) Also, have fun with it. Make up really weird gods and stuff like the Giant Spagetti Monster and Naos and make T-shirts of them. If your local chapter of the Pseudo-religious Chirtian Consevative Conspiracy makes some big fuse about something, then go over and give a big rant about your crazy gods that you don't take seriously. Here, I'll show you how it's done.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS! HELLO! I AM THE WRITER! I HAVE COME WITH A MESSAGE FROM HIS DIVINE GROOVINESS NAOS BEN-DAVID, THE TRICKSTER KING AND LORD OVER ALL THE PUBLIC BATHROOMS! (I'm yelling like a crazy person at the moment. This is key, so that they can see how loud and crazy you are. If you have a megaphone that would help to. Keep in mind I am making all of this up as I go, so that way I seem even more weird and crazy). Naos says that the Grand Canyon WASN'T created by EROSION. NOR was it created by NOAH AND HIS FLOOD THINGIE! THE GRAND CANYON WAS CREATED BY NAOS! YES, I say, NAOS created the Grand Canyon.

WHO is NAOS, You say? WHY young girl, NAOS is that guy who you saw busking out in front of some building, but you didn't give him any money because you didn't know it was NAOS. NAOS is that guy who sits at the back of the room and laughs because he is NAOS! Why, I AM NAOS! AND SO ARE YOU! AND YOU! AND YOU! not you. BUT YOU ARE! WE ARE ALL NAOS! except that guy there. I don't know who he is. who are you?

um, frank.

YOU ARE NAOS! GO FORTH AND ROCK MY SON. were was I? Ah, yes. Grand Canyon. NOT ONLY did NAOS create the GRAND CANYON! But he created it, YESTERDAY! Yes, yesterday. And he tricked all of you into thinking that it was here all the time. WHY?!! WHY WOULD NAOS DO THIS?! WHY ELSE, TO IMPRESS HIS GIRLFREIND?! YES, NAOS IS NOT SINGLE! HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND, WHO WOULD BE THE WIFE OF NAOS IF THEY WERE MARRIED! AND HER NAME IS HELEN, AND SHE WILL DESTROY YOUR GOVERNMENT! AND YOUR COUNTRY! AND YOUR GODS! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO! AND THEN ONLY SHE WILL REMAIN, AND NAOS TOO, BECAUSE AS I SAID THEY ARE AN ITEM! AND THEY WILL CONTINUE DOING THIS UNTIL WE GET IT RIGHT! AND THEN WE WILL GET IT WRONG AND THEY WILL HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU SCREWED IT UP!
WHERE ARE NAOS AND HELEN YOU ASK?

no we didn't

SILENCE! THEY ARE THERE! (point to small bit of dog poo in some grass) IN THE DOG POO!

(this is a refrence to some Taoist and Zen philosophers saying that enlightenment lay in poo. I don't think they were being literal, as much as they were trying to make a point that everything is holy, including your own excriment. I shall continue)

YES. They are in the poo. Do you all see the poo? Everyone look at the poo. Everyone line up and be careful not to step in it. LEAST YOU BE SMITENATED! Yes, see the poo of holiness.

Okay, that's it. I'm stopping know. I believe that I have blown there minds enough. That is all I have to say about that.

The Dutch Are At It Again.

In the political world, The Dutch are at it again. First they make that rude comic about the Prophet Muhammad, and now the conservative government wants to bane burkas. Now, I havn't heard what the Muslim women have to say about this, but I get the distinct impression that this is not a good idea.

Listen, Dutch Prime Minister Jan Balkenende, you are walking on thin ice here. I know Immigration Minister Rita Verdonk says that banning burqas from streets, trains, schools, buses and courts of law will promote integration, but you are dealing with people who have been really pissed off by having the man who started their religion portrayed as a murderer. You don't want to give them another excuse to hate the Netherlands. What are you going to do next? Make pork mandatory?

I can't say I understand the issue, because the article on the CBC website is kind of boring and I couldn't get to another article. What I think is that we should let people were whatever they want. Aside from making muslims more pissed off at the Dutch government, this is an infringement of freedom. People should be able to wear whatever they feel like. At the risk of sounding like a paranoid television show host, if the Dutch ban burkas were will they stop? Will they ban T-shirts with Che Guevera because he is a disadent? Will they ban t-shirts because they promote hedonism? Will they make everyone in the Netherlands dress alike until nobody can tell anybody apart? I admit this may be my imagination flying, but the government shouldn't control what people wear. People should wear whatever they want.

Yeah, the women in question probubly don't have much of a choice. Which brings me to extremist Muslim clerics. Yeah, you guys didn't think I'd get to you. What's the deal hiding your women? I know that you have this whole thing about dressing modestly, but don't you think the burka is a bit pushing it. I'm not going to get into that whole arguement about how Muslim women don't need to wear the burka or the normal head-scarf, I don't see the point. I just don't see why women have to wear burkas.

Men don't have to wear burkas. Men can be just as attractive as women. Not that I like men that way, I'm just saying that men can be really attractive. That's why women are suppose to wear burka's right? Your afraid that someone will rape her because she's pretty? First, that's kind of a negative view point. Men don't think about sex all the time, I know I don't. And if people are thinking about sex all the time they should be looked after. Maybe show them a few shots of people with genetal herpes. The point is women should be able to walk around in public with there face showing.

In conclusion, The Dutch are the most to blame at the moment, but burkas are still a bit extreme. I'm not Muslim, so I can't really say if wearing a burka is ethical or not, unless it's summer then you have to take it of because it's to freaking hot. I can really give is a message to Dutch Muslim Women. What do you want to wear? You should have the right to wear whatever you want too? And if you want to wear a burka that's fine. You don't want to wear a burka that's fine too. You have the choice, unless off course that choice is being used by shovinist male pigs, or just shovinist male preists if they're Muslims. (I don't want to call you guys pigs because of the whole rule about pigs). Either way, you should be able to make your own choices and not be told what to wear by your government or your religion.

I hope that this has proved intersting and informative.