I'm Still Alive Everyone

I'm running against my own body and sleep deprevasion. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I have to write six more pages in my Ginsberg essay that I don't know if I can write. I know what I'm writing about, I just can't get my thoughts in order. God, I'm so tired. That's what I've been for the past few days. Tired, I feel almost Beat in the Beat Generation sense. I even had a religious experience that I'll write about sometime soon I hope. I have to run by what I've written on Monday to four other English students and I have a test on Aristotle in philosophy. Aristotle god damn, he's the scientist! Plato will have been the Platonic form of cake compared to Aristotle. All this talk about rational thought is making me sick. I don't even believe that rational thought exists.

I'm so tired of all of this. I don't know how I'll get through the end of the year. I feel like I could collapse at anytime from mental exhaustion. I feel like I'm going through my days in a daze. I'm so frustrated that I can't finish what should be such a simple essay for me. It's Allen Ginsberg god damn it. I read Howl before I even came to University. He's my favorite poet. I should have had this finished days ago, but I'm not and it dosn't look like it's going to be finished tonight.

I finished Maus, which was good. I'm supposed to have that read for Monday. At least I've got something done, I also picked up a book on Howl and dropped off a resume for a job for summer. Were, my mom and I, are thinking that this summer I'm going to forgoe any classes. The job is as a dishwasher and shouldn't be to frustrating. The place seems to be a good environment. Small, quirky. I could write a few short stories about it, even a novel. I'll read some Lawrence and Davies and Pound.

Rethinking Mage Campaign (i.e. doing it in general)

I'm starting my Mage campaign and I'm starting to wonder if I should fold it know before it gets any worse. I don't know if I can fully run the game I want to run with the people I have available to me. I feel that if I were to properly do this, I would need to spend much longer thinking up what will happen in what building, what I want to use to represent what is going on and what it all means. I'm looking at running this game as a work of Art.

I can't do that with the people I'm using.

I honestly don't think that I'm on the same page with these guys. They don't act the way I think a Mage should act. Maybe I'm being to controlling, but the feel of the campaign is completely off. One of the guys is middle management and he's going to be staying middle management. I mean, what kind of sick bastard would continue to be middle management after having what amounted to a religious experience? I'm probubly going to fold in the entire idea of this campaign, wait until I can find someone who actually think the way I believe a mage should think, and then do this game. Screw middle-management types. No real supernatural being of any kind would work in middle management.

English Mid-Term

I'm tired. I want to go home. I want to sleep in a descent bed and not think about University for a week. It turns out I won't have to worry about it for a weekend however, and even then I still have to read the Republic. But the Republic is nothing I worry about, it's my English mid-term. I'm holding on to the end of the perverbial stick and all I want to do is to go to sleep for a few hours without the damn Ipod going of at 7:50 every day.

So in other news, I'm back to Aspie Diaries. I like that name better then Notes from the Bunker. This blog is going to be Aspie Diaries for years and years. When I have written the first four novels, then this will still be The Aspie Diaries.

And that's basically it. Aspie Diaries again, and tired and want to go home.