Upcoming Thanksgiving Weekend and Ralph's Health

Today I will be heading home for Thanksgiving Weekend. Besides eating loads of food that will make me full and sleepy, I'll also be doing my English essay on Dubliners. I've got a pretty good idea of where that will be going. I look forward to being in my old room, on my comfortable tempurpedic mattress. Even with the padding I on my bed now I miss my tempurpedic.

I'm worried about physical Ralph. I don't know if you know this, but I have a physical Ralph that I have with me, which is a hand puppet I've had since I was five. That's about thirteen years, pretty old for a hand puppet. He's not doing very well. Bits of his fur or felt are falling off and he's starting to smell funny. I'd put him through the wash, but I don't know if he'd survive. I highly doubt it. I wonder if there is a way to make him better, you know, strengthen his steams and get his eyes back in. I don't know enough about sewing or anything like that. I might even sew up his back since I don't really use him as a puppet anymore, dosn't fit my hand anymore anyways.

Physical Ralph was made by a company called Folkmanis Inc. I'm looking at there website and I can't seem to find Ralph's kind of puppet anywhere. I also can't seem to find any information regarding the Ralph design. I guess that means he's something of an antique. That dosn't comfort me much.

Is there such a place you can go to get your favorite stuffed animal checked up? I'm looking for one at the moment. I found one place, called Chasey's Teddy Bear Repair, but I'm not sure where it is. Maybe if I ask around downtown I can find someone, but I'm worried they'll be shifty. Maybe I can search around my hometown. One of my sisters went to a sewing group, so maybe I could find someone there.

Ralph is stable at the moment.

Paranoia! Stress! Depression! Fear and Loathing in Southern Ontario

So, I'm slowly becoming paranoid about my EA. I was doing work in English and I kept thinking "She's watching me. She's keeping tabs on me which they send to the Man and their coming for me." It could just be the combination of my overactive imagination and the stress from my upcoming exams. Exams make me stressed. I'm thinking on taking the day off tomorrow. Look after my little sister Sprite, who got her leg broken and has to stay home. If any of you have a god or something you worship, then a little prayer worship would be appreciated because she is currently going through hell. She has to sit down for extended periods of time, it's driving her nuts.
Let's see, most of my emotions have been largelly distressful and depressed, slightly tired as well because I'm moving onto Loncrow-time for some reason. Maybe because I'm up all night reading Moorcock and Kerouac. I'm reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac by the way. I'm getting into the Beat Generation for some reason. My interest in the nineteen-sixties seems to have lead into the Beats of the previous decade. On the Road is a pretty good novel though I don't feel in the swing of it, since the characters arn't actually on the road.
I have no idea were all my things are. I'm at the library and I have my backpack and a book I'm getting out lying around somewhere. I have my wallet on me so no one can get what little money I have in there. God, I need to get away from the materialistic world.
I'm working on my first novel. I'm doing it about Naos, since I figure I should write that first. It's about how Naos gains Enlightenment. There's romance, political intrigue, Revolution, supernatural forces, post-cyberpunkness and random tributes to the 1960's because I like hippies for some reason. I was hoping to write a bunch of other stories about Naos' time on the mortal plane, but I think that bit of my mind that is Naos is telling me "Stop screwing around, Writer. Those stories arn't important. Get to the important stuff. Trust me this is going to be great."
I was thinking about Ralph. Ralph is feeling left out of the mythos because Naos seems to be getting more and more room. So I figure it's about time Ralph went for a make-over. If I want Ralph to have the range of Naos he too must shed the physical form. I'm thinking about making Ralph the main character for Mythania, kind of like Death in the Discworld series, except Ralph isn't really a supernatural force. At some point he's going to appear elsewhere in my multiverse. The only non-mythanian novel I have him in at the moment is The Book of the Saints(working title for the apocalypse novel). I figure he may get involved with Nyzadi at some point, and I have the idea of writing a thing about my life at the moment, mixed with my mythos and my role in it. I've kind of put myself as the creative apex of my mythology, a few characters are aware of a being they call "The Writer," but for the most part many are completely ignorent of it(me). Naos is very concious of the Writer, odviously since he is the idealized version of myself. I suppose that means Helen knows. Ralph may know.
I've been throwing the idea of making alternate versions of Ralph, in various other realities. I'm not sure how this would happen, but I think he may have a human version of himself somewhere out there in the multiverse. Maybe another that is a sort of druidic-nature spirit that takes the form of a rodent-man hybrid. Were these other Ralphs live is beyond me at this time, probubly on the alternate Earths. The Spirit Ralph might live on one of the overlaps with Faerie, and the human Ralph would defenetly live in the universe that tends to Sword-and-Sorcery (which also is inhabited by the Gods of William Blake's mythos. I'll get into that later).
I'm thinking maybe I should change Ralph's name, start calling him by his Mythanian name. Also, if I'm going to have him as a recurring element, then he'll have to be able to have recognizable traits. The name will be similar in most cases, and the elements of his rodent like nature would be evedient. His personality would be similar in most cases, taste for adventure, reckless yet intellegent, penchent for sword-fighting even in environments were no one fights with swords (He'd be living in a world full of lasers and he'd still have a standard iron sword as a weapon). I also see his religion as something coming up. Ralph worships all kinds of Gods, mainly The Tawaze Mother Goddess and Gharlan Goldenhair(who he eventually equates with Jesus), he also has mixed his traditional pagan worship with the teachings of Naos and has a great respect for Dana and Ka Lynn Apexet. Really, Ralph worships anything that goes with his values and he finds useful. I suppose this trait would be brought into the other versions. The odviously pagan Spirit Ralph practising a combination of Celtic paganism, Awakenism and Islam or something Monothiestic like that.
Well, I should be going soon. All this was written at my public library.

WriterFest One, The World According to Ralph

Hello and welcome to the first ever WriterFest. To make up for the time I took off I am holding the biggest thing I have ever pulled off on the Internet. You will have my rants and Ralph’s commentary on human society, Alien species of the week and a whole wake of alternate events. So sit back and enjoy the blog.

The World According To Ralph: A Christ on the Cross is worth Two in the Bush
I live in a human majority community. Actually, it’s all humans if you don’t count figments of the Writer’s imagination. It is hard adjusting to an alien culture, especially one like humans. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of similarities between our two species, but there’s always the alien factor. I’d have to say that the hardest part about living with humans is your religion. Practically every religion you have needs to feel that there right.
I’d like to talk about the human religion that I’ve hade the most contact with, Christianity. In some ways the Christian religion is similar to the faith I was raised in. There are many differences of course, we refer to the divine as feminine, we don’t have the violent history, we don’t have any formalized church, we don’t worship a dead carpenter and our worship services aren’t as boring (don’t get me wrong, I’ve heard of some pretty cool Christian services. We got the U2 Rattle and Hum DVD for Christmas, they have the band singing "I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For," That would get me up on the coldest January Sunday, I tell you) Anyway, I have spent most of my time around Christian humans so I figure by now I know a lot about the Christian religion. Here is my guide to Christianity.
Ralph’s Guide to Christianity
Species who follow it: Humans
Number of Followers: There’s a hell of a lot of them. It is currently the largest following of all humans. Second is Islam and I think Hinduism comes in third because of all the people living in India.
Holy text(s): Mainly the Bible which they stole from the Jews and added a second part. One sect of Christians called Mormons have a third book. We will talk about them later.
Founder: Jesus, probably the most influential figure in western history. He is probably the most mysterious. According to Christians, God came along and impregnated this Mary chick and she has to go with this Joseph guy to Bethlehem were they give birth to the Baby Jesus in this old shack Jesus grows up to be a carpenter, but when he’s not being a carpenter he goes around healing people and stuff because he’s the son of God. Now the guys called the pharisees are really pissed of at this so they have him wacked with the help of the Romans, but it turns out that Jesus wanted to get wacked so that he could die for every bodies sins (a nice sentiment but it doesn’t say much about the Christian god. I mean forgiving is easy, you don’t have to go giving your son away) however just to prove to everyone that he was the Son of God, Jesus came back from the dead.
The Writer believes that the Bible is not the best historical document in the world and that Jesus was just this guy who hade a few good ideas and accidentally started a religion. I think that’s just as good.
Number of Sects: There’s a hell of a lot. First there’s the Roman Catholic Church, they act like the boss Christians because they have been around the longest. They have a ridiculously large amount of saints for practically anything which I think is ridiculous for a monotheist religion. Other defining features are drinking of wine, a guy called the pope who has a cool hat, needlessly large copies of afore said holy text and a desire to be even more right then all the other Christian sects.
Then we come to the Protestants. Once there was this guy called Martin Luther(no relation to Martin Luther King. Jr) who got feed up with how the Roman Catholic Church because they were wasting money on fancy churches and such so he said "Well, I’m going to start my own church" to which the Roman Catholic Church said "Like hell you are" to which Martin Luther said "Just watch me" to which the Roman Catholic Church said "You can’t do that. If you do that we’ll kick you out of the Roman Catholic Church," to which Martin Luther said "Who cares. I’m starting my own church," and the rest is history. I don’t know as much about the Protestants but they don’t have a guy with a cool hat.
Well, when Martin Luther started his own church other Christians who weren’t so keen on the Roman Catholic Church said "Hell with this, were starting our own churches,". Among these are the Mennonites, The Writer was brought up in a Mennonite family so I got a good idea on those guys. Now don’t get the wrong idea, not all Mennonites are Amish guys who have been immortalized in the classic Weird Al parody "Amish Paradise"(Parody of Coolio’s Gangsta’s Paradise. Amish Paradise is on the Running with Scissors Album). Many of them live in modern conditions with such things as electricity and 8-tracks. Anyway, Mennonites are into the whole pacifist thing and those that except technology have a really big charity thing that helps other people in foreign countries.
Things just get even more nutty from here, know we get to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or there cooler Mormons. See, once this guy named Joseph Smith came walking down a fine American path when this winged creature called an Angel came unto him and said "Hey Joe. There’s this book buried in the woods over there. Go dig it up, it’s Gods will,". So Joseph Smith dug up the book and turns out a bunch of Hebrews ran off in a bunch of ships to the Americas were they set up a civilization that collapsed before anyone could get there. This was a very controversial religion because they hade polygamy, but I’m pretty sure that most of them don’t do that anymore. Mormons know concentrate on selling copies of the Book of Mormon (the one Joseph Smith dug up in the woods) to people at there homes.
This brings use to Jehovah’s Witnesses. Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that the end is nigh and that they should go around to people’s houses and tell them about the good news. Jehovah’s Witnesses are known to go around and tell people about there good news in pairs. I don’t know what Jehovah’s Witnesses do when there not annoying people, presumably they sit around watching the Simpsons.
There is also Greek Orthodox and Televangelists but we need more room on stuff.
Christianity and Other Religions: Christianity doesn’t have a good relation to other religions. They hade that whole thing against Judaism for kicking of Jesus (which is kind of strange because Jesus was brought back to life, so it wouldn’t really matter) and they considered everything that didn’t acknowledge that Jesus was your saviour was a lot of lies and that they should try to convert them, by FORCE. This has given Christianity and Jesus a bad name. Which is a shame because Jesus sounds like a good guy. Here are a few quotes about Christianity. These do not represent my views or those of this blog so don’t sue us.

I like your Christ. I don’t like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ
Mahatma Gandhi

The moral and religious system which Jesus Christ transmitted to us is the best the world has ever seen, or can see.
Benjamin Franklin

Christianity simply does not make sense until you have faced the sort of facts I have been describing. Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness. It therefore has nothing (as far as I know) to say to people who do not know they have done anything to repent of and who do not feel that they need forgiveness.
C.S. Lewis

If I were not an atheist, I would believe in a God who would choose to save people on the basis of the totality of their lives and not the pattern of their words. I think he would prefer an honest and righteous atheist to a TV preacher whose every word is God, God, God, and whose every deed is foul, foul, foul.
Issac Asimov

When Jesus Christ asked little children to come to him, he didn't say only rich children, or White children, or children with two-parent families, or children who didn't have a mental or physical handicap. He said, "Let all children come unto me."
Marian Wright Edelman

A certain sense of cruelty towards oneself and others is Christian; hatred of those who think differently; the will to persecute. Hatred of mind, of pride, courage, freedom, libertinage of mind, is Christian; hatred of the sense, of the joy of the senses, of joy in general is Christian.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Introducing Ralph, Taos becomes the 51st state

Thank you for reading, a special treat for you guys today. A weekly column by my imaginary friend and one half of Writer and Company, Ralph. So here it is...

The World According to Ralph
This Week...Lord of the Rings Director’s cut
Hello, My name is Ralph Wyksyn Chorian and I’m writing the Monday articles. So, let me tell you a bit about myself. I’m sixty-seven years old. I’m a Tawazee. I live with my wife and sixteen children. I like watching human films (my favorite is the Lord of the Rings trilogy) and using your Internet. When I’m not learning about human culture, I annoy my non-Tawazee friends by using Tawazee pop-culture refrenses that only I know.
I would like to talk about the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I have only seen the movies because I can’t read or write human (A friend is typing this onto the computer). The Writer says that the books are pretty good thou and the left a lot of important things out of the movie that Tolkein would be pretty ticked off about.
Recently I have gotten the entire director’s cut of Lord of the Rings on DVD. It was much simpler then getting all three of them separately and since I am a figment of the Writer’s imagination and unable to get a job, I will soon be watching all three of them back to back to back. I recommend that any one who hasn’t seen the director’s cut of Lord of the Rings go see it, because it adds a lot to the movie.
I would say goodbye in Elvish, but I don’t know the Elvish word for ‘goodbye’. So see you next article.

Thank you Ralph, so it’s been a while since my last post on alternate events. So here is an instalment.

Today in my mind

in 1839 the Heretic Charles Darwin is condemned by the Roman Catholic church for his evil beliefs that life was not created by God, but by a process called evolution. He was hanged in 1845.

in 712 AUC Caligula sentences the senate to death after he hears that they intended to have him killed. The Empire deteriorate under Caligula’s rule and soon fell into political turmoil. However the Republic was soon re-established saving the Roman people and ultimately the world.

in 1848 Dwarven miners who came to the America’s set up a subteranial colony in Sutter’s Creek, California. The Dwarven cities and tunnels would extend from Sutter’s Creek into cities across the America’s. The Dwarves of North America would get there name from there colony becoming the Sutter Dwarves.

in 1935 a commercial attempt to put beer in a can is attempted by Krueger Finest Beer. The endeavor is unsuccessful and beer is sold in bottles to this day.

on Jumada l-Uqa 13, 1406 Latif Ibn-Ayasha dies. Originally a writer, Ibn-Ayasha soon started to bend to the philosophical and soon published his book Dianetics and soon founded the Church of Scientology. Scientology is practiced across the world, especially in Australia.

in 1908 the Boy Scout movement begins in Britain. Boy Scouts soon spread to the West of Old Earth and became very popular in the Americans. During the mid-21st century it became a mandatory part of American education. The Boy scout movement was ended in 2178 during the maturing because it promoted patriotism.

on Aquarius 5, 14 NC Hippies are granted a state around Taos, New Mexico. While small at the beginning. The state of Taos would soon reach from what was once Utah to what was once Florida after the fall of the American Empire.

Thank you for reading and VOTE FOR GREATER ZIONIST RESISTANCE ON ALTHISTORY.BLOGSPOT.COM