Alien Civilizations: The Mul'Ra'a Star Empire and The Katorcasian Federation

WARNING: This is made from the perspective of someone from 2450 AD.

The Mul’Ra’a Star Empire
Capitol Planet: Be’e’shok
Type of Government: Hereditary Monarchy
Number of Star Systems: 203
Fleet Size: 383 star ships, over 20 thousand star fighters

The Mul’Ra’a are eight-foot, four armed, carnivorous mammalian predators that belong to a category of co-operative predators. Unlike humans, who work in separate tribes, the Mul’Ra’a all work together for the good of their species. This can be attributed to the fact the Mul’Ra’a are one of the weakest carnivores on their home planet of Ra’ena. The Phzerpher, a race of sentients that look like mutant Shih Tzu with the mind of a wolf have gotten into the Mul’Ra’a Star Empire’s good graces and have the benefits of the advanced technology of the Mul’Ra’a, but they are looked down upon as second class citizens.
The Mul’Ra’a Star Empire was almost completely forged by Uatar the Third of the Dai’yika Dynasty. The Dai’yika Dynasty was responsible for most of the Mul’Ra’a space travel. Uatar was able to build the first of the Mul’Ra’a fleet and there famous star fighters. Uatar most of the major planets of the Mul’Ra’a Star Empire.
The Mul’Ra’a made first contact with humanity in 2331, at the height of the Terra Novan Empire.
The Terra Novans and Mul’Ra’a Star Empire soon became enemies, which wasn’t so bad for humanity, but the Mul’Ra’a had never encountered a tribal species and ended up attacking human enemies of the Terra Novans, such as Burromars and Zion. The Mul’Ra’a eventually clued in that humans were insane, and figured that the other factions were trustworthy for their goals.
Since the fall of the Terra Novan Empire in 2395 and the creation of the United Planets of Humanity. The U.P.H and the Mul’Ra’a Star Empire have been at a shaky alliance. The Mul’Ra’a Empire have difficulty trusting humanity, being that humans are barely trustworthy to each other, how can they be trusted to act with other species.

The Katorcasian Federation
Capitol Planet: Katorcas
Type of Government: Democracy
Number of Star Systems: 572
Fleet Size: 1038

The Katorcasian Federation, created by the furry, omnivores Kastorcasians. The Katorcasians lived in peaceful isolation until they made contact with the Alavallan. The Katorcasians, being a friendly species took to the Alavallan, and the Alavallan decided that it would be a good idea to give the Katorcasians space travel.
The Katorcasians hade never learned about war, however they were tribal like humans. They unfortunately hade to learn about war when they made contact with the Enayon Brotherhood. The Katorcasian’s innocently let the Enayon into their midst. The Enayon Zeus-Jupiter eventually took over most of the Katorcasian planets. The Katorcasians were able to raise a rebellion, assisted by the Alavallan. The Katorcasian eventually defeated Zeus-Jupiter and took over a third of his empire and most of his fleet. His cult still survived with some of the humans under his rule, but those who continued to believe believed that the Enayon Zeus wasn’t the real one.

The Katorcasian’s first made contact with humans during the Zeus-Jupiter Invasion, but they learned that not all humans worked as toy soldiers for the Enayon Brotherhood, and that there was in fact a planet called Earth in which human’s didn’t work for the Enayon. The Katorcasian’s decided to try and find this Earth, but they were soon embroiled in several wars with the Enayon Brotherhood.
However, Earth came to the Katorcasians. They eventually recovered Earth satellites and made a study of Earthlings. However, they eventually made contact with the humans.
The Terra Novan Government, as any historian knows, were great suppressers of humans of the Autism spectrum, which went against their beliefs about human potential, so members of this group created the refugee ship, Magellan. The crew of the Magellan was able to go beyond the known human space, and into the Katorcasian Federation. When the Katorcasians heard that these humans were descended from the humans from Earth, they were only too happy to let them into their midst. The Katorcasian sent their battle-ship, Deketoris, to the battle of Nova Terra. The Katorcasian Federation has remained one of humanity’s greatest allies to this day.

School Assemby, The Environment, Stalin's Moustache and Bishop Sparky

I really hate going to school assemblies, because I don’t like being in a large room of people. Today was worse because they were doing an environment thing and they turned the lights out as a symbol of the black out that happened awhile ago. Well some jerks started shrieking like they were demons from hell or something. I wasn’t in a good feeling at the moment so I started slapping my legs. I was in a bad mood for the rest of the assembly.
The rest of the assembly was basically how to save the environment, but it scarred me that the world could be really screwed up by the end of the century. What I would really like would be to live on a planet uninhabited by sentient life were no one would screw up anything and everybody would leave me alone.

We are making WWII propaganda posters in history and I’m doing mine as a bit of a political cartoon. I drew Stalin as a bear. I had to get a picture of him and I imagine that the political cartoonists must have hade a field day with this guy because he has this great big moustache.

In an update on my imaginary fantasy world of conspiracy theories, alien empires and fantasy creatures we have a new alien. He is a member of an alien empire called the Orashan Church. The Orashan are a race of spiky-reptilian humanoids and the name of their dominant religion. They follow a religion based on the teachings of the God-Prophet, who is this sort of mystical figure who is almost as ancient as the Orashan species. The Orashan Church has been capable of space-travel for over two thousand years, but they mostly steal technology from other species and haven’t made any real technological break thru in over nine hundred years. The teachings are unknown to me as of yet, because the High Priest seems to refer to us all as heathens, except for Naous who he called a "hideous demon, servant of chaos and the Evil One-incarnate," because the Orashan religion is against the Alavallan.
So far we have the High Priest, all his troops and servants died in the crash trying to secure him and he has no one to order around, which appears to be something he has had no previous experience in , so he is yelling orders at us. He calls himself Bishop Umajauqe and has so far discredited all Earth religions as pagans and is trying to get out and convert the heathens. We are keeping him in custody so he won’t destroy humanity’s cultural uniqueness. We have nicknamed him Sparky.

This is what happened to me today, real or otherwise.

The Ballad of the Islanders Bill and Ed

So two little islanders named Bill and Ed
were sitting on the beach of their island paradise
of Paka-Luku-Moca-Chino,
which is inhabited by a few hundred people
and these two people were all fighting about
some ideological differences,
One side is a socialist dictatorship
and the other is a rotating dictatorship
but you Americans and/or Soviets are too civilized for such behaviour
so let’s move on, shall we
So Bill says to Ed.
"Ed my good man, what do you think is beyond those islands over they’re?"
And Ed looks at Bill and says "Well I don’t know Bill."
And Bill says to Ed "Well shouldn’t we do something ‘bout it."
And Ed says to Bill "Like what," (pause)
And there was a pause.
And Bill says to Ed "Let’s build a boat and check it out."
Ed says "Get the wives of my back, let’s do it."

So over many moons and several ham and cheese sandwiches later
Bill and Ed worked hard on making a canoe to see what’s beyond those islands over yonder.
And they eventually were able to construct a fine canoe
using the finest in bamboo and coconut technology
The inhabitants of Paka-Luku-Moca-Chino were sad to see them go
Except for Ed’s second, third and fifth wives who never really liked him any ways.
So Bill and Ed went out onto the great blue ocean
Past the Islands over yonder, until there was nothing but open ocean.
So Bill and Ed just sat there for awhile, until they ran out of sandwiches
and the water was soon running out until they found a little island
granted that it was bigger then Paka-Luku-Moca-Chino, but it still wasn’t that large
But the size of it was soon lost on Bill and Ed on account of the intelligent life
At first they thought that they were all black and white and blue like they saw
But they learned that the inhabitants were just wearing body paint.
And Ed said to Bill "Bill, do you know what this means?,"
And Bill says to Ed "No Bill, but I liked them better with the body paint,".
And Ed says to Bill "There’s other forms of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe,"
And Bill says to Ed "I never really believed that we were that bright, myself,"

So after Bill and Ed met the other forms of intelligent life
They sailed of to the nearest island
Were they were instantly captured by Maori warriors
Know the Maoris didn’t really like Bill and Ed
Because they went and tried to force their capitalist ideals on them.
So they brought Bill and Ed to their Captain Joe
And Captain Joe asked Bill and Ed "Who are you guys?"
And Bill and Ed said they were from Paka-Luku-Moca-Chino
Captain Joe never heard of there home land, so they talked about it
and Captain Joe decided that they were harmless,
mainly because he thought they were complete idiots
So, he decided not to kill them. Which Bill and Ed were okay with.
Captain Joe brought Bill and Ed to his homeland of New Zealand
Were they ate Kiwi fruits and other such tropic delights
And Bill and Ed told them of their travels across the ocean
Which completely failed to impress the Maoris
Well, Bill and Ed fade thought they’d seen enough of the final frontier
So they packed up their Kiwi and Kangaroo sandwiches
and set a course home in the canoe, upgraded with advanced Maori technology

Well, Bill and Ed had been sailing for a day or two
and Bill had ran out of funny stories about his pet lizard
When they saw this great big ship inhabited by pasty white guys
Who wore an excessive amount of clothing
Bill and Ed tried to get there attention to say hi,
but the pasty white guys locked on phasers
and started shooting poor Bill and Ed
Well, Bill and Ed were able to escape with some passing Dolphins,
but there boat was trashed by the pasty white guys
So Bill and Ed were able to hitchhike back to their homeland
Were they were greeted by all
Except Ed’s second, third and fifth wives.
And Bill and Ed talked about what they saw on their odyssey
And about the dangerous white man, with their fancy phaser weapons
So they talked things over with their socialist neighbours
and they all sat around the camp fire for once
and they decided that it was best to get along
and everything was just peachy from then on.

More You May Be An Aspie If...(inspired by Jeff Foxworthy)

• If you’re a teenager who can go for weeks without thinking about sex or sex-related activities voluntarily and you don’t think incredible, you may be an Aspie.
• You can name all the Emperors of Rome in order, off the top of your head, and you work in computer design.
• If you ever have made a shrine to Mr. Spock
• You have every episode of Doctor Who on tape
• You quit your job at the Bureaucracy because they are to chaotic and unorganized
• You know what the name of the Telerite ambassador on the Star Trek episode "Journey to Babel," but you don’t know the name of the girl who has been in every one of your classes since kindergarten.

Indeed, A Very Dark Day (don't worry, no one has died)

Some may think I’m overreacting, but I lost my Library card and I’m very sad. To be safe I hade to return all the books I hade out from the Library. It make’s me really sad that I can’t find my Library card. I don’t know what to do with the rest of my Saturday because I always go to the Library on Saturday. I guess I may just have to blog.

The Complete "If I Hade An Otherland Account," up till today

Here, before you, is my complete list of Simulations I would have in my virtual multiverse, all separated in organized categories by type of universe. These are only mine however and will not include Sprite's or Steph's.

Galaxies

• Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy Universe This would be based on a role-play with a humorous bit running on a Douglas Adams-Monty Python level and would make humorous scenarios about saving the universe and such. My character would off course be Ford Prefect.
• Frank Herbert’s Dune Universe This would be more of a personal indulgence and would be one of the few simulations I would have full range over. I may relive a few of the novels once in awhile. My characters would probably change once in awhile depending on my time line, but the one’s I would have the most control over would be Paul Atreidis and Leto II.
• Larry Niven’s Known Space This would be a role-playing science fiction universe. I don’t know exactly how it would work, but the best angle would be the Man-Kzin Wars, which I would change sides for every once and awhile, and off course their would be the Ringworld.
• My Future History Part vacation world, Part Role-Play universe on the same lines as Larry Niven’s Known Space world (except without Kzinti or the Ringworld) this would be open to most of my friends and we could all go an go on adventures fighting the Enayon Brotherhood.
• Robert A. Heinlein’s World I haven’t read much of Robert Heinlein’s work, but I think I’m putting this one on my list. It would be mainly his Future history and anything that would be safe to put in. This would mostly be a vacation world were I would talk with some of his most popular characters such as Jubal Harshaw, Valentine Micheal Smith and Lazarus Long.

Fantasy Worlds (non-magical and mythological)

• Australian Dreamtime This would be a composition of all kinds of Australian Mythology and would be an adventure-type world. My character would be Wombat, a wombat hunter-mystic with no fixed origins. I don’t know if there is a Wombat character like this in Australian mythology, but I’m putting that as my character.
• Boy's Own Adventure Africa I didn’t like the Mines of Solomon much, the main reason being the black characters were so stupid. Granted this was written by a white guy in the 1800's, but I liked the idea so this goes on, only one difference. I’m making the black people smarter and giving them more of an advantage over the Europeans.
• Brian Jacques’ Redwall This is basically a fantasy series, but the inhabitants are furry animals. I would relive a few of the novels once in awhile, but I would also have Redwall as a vacation spot because one of the major attractions was the food. I would read about these great foods that sounded really good, so this will be mostly on as a personal restaurant. My character would probubly be an otter.
• El Dorado Based on the legend of El Dorado. An alliance of Aztecs with guns and Spanish will inhabit the city. This will be an adventure game. My own character will be an Aztec warrior of some sort who I haven’t quite worked out yet.
• John Mandeville’s Orient A patchwork of fact and fiction. John Mandeville’s Orient is based on both John Mandeville’s and Marco Polo’s works. My own character would be a liberal European explorer on the run from the church for being a heretic, finding employment with the various factions.
• Lemuria I read about Lemuria in a book called "Lost Worlds," in my grade 7 and 8, it became one of my favourite books because it told amazing stories about make believe places and I believe gave me an escape from my world. I later found that the Lemuria theory hade some racist overtones, but I liked the idea any ways, so I’ll recreate it in my virtual multiverse.
• Mythania This is a bit of everything. I would have holidays here and I would also have adventures in this simulation. It would probably be the equivalent of a capital, but would probably loose out to my hometown, making Mythania one of my favourite summer homes.
• Rudyard Kipling’s Jungle Book I don’t even know if I would use this simulation, but I’m keeping it as a tribute to my love for the Indian culture and animals. I may visit once in awhile in the form of an animal, but other then that I won’t come in much.
• Tolkein’s Middle-Earth More of a vacation spot then anything. I might reenact the Lord of The Rings and the Hobbit, but it will mostly be for vacations. For vacationing, my simulation body will of course be a Hobbit.
• World of Greek Mythology Covering all of the Greek world. I would use this in the adventure sense of reenacting major Greek myths. The major ones with friends would be to The Iliad, which I would reenact with my friends and would be more accurate then the one with Brad Pitt (I hated that movie, it was dull and not very interesting. My Dad and I recommend it to anyone who like’s Brad Pitt’s butt though, because there is some good shots of that). I would reenact the Odyssey on my own, because my character would be Odysseus.

Fantasy Worlds (magical)

• Faerie Based on the book Faerie and other sources I consider trustworthy (such as some of Neil Gaiman’s work). I don’t know why I would have this, but I will because I want it.
• L. Frank Baum’s Wonderful World of Oz I loved the Oz series when I was young, still do in fact, and let’s face it, that was a damn good movie. Considering most of my worlds contain adult concepts (e.g. The Man-Kzin Wars in Known Space, Robert Heinlein has some strange ideas about relationships I should talk to my parents about) so it would be nice to go to a friendly place like Oz were all the people are happy and I don’t have to worry about any serious combat.
• Lloyd Alexander’s Prydain This was my second introduction to Fantasy, my first being Narnia, but this is what me got into it. This will be an adventure simulation. My sim probably being Taran, Ralph’s being Gurgi.
• Terry Pratchett’s Discworld Like Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker Universe, this is a humorous adventure universe. I wouldn’t be any of the character’s in it, but me and Ralph would probably travel along with the characters. The simulation’s look will be based on the art of Paul Kidby, who has done art for the Discworld series. However, as a tribute to Monty Python I might make the Wizards usually featured at the Unseen University look like a certain Flying Circus.

Real-World Simulations and Irregulars

• Human University This is for my philosophical sensibilities. It would basically be the greatest minds of humanity in one building. It would be mainly if I’m in a philosophical mood and will have a very extensive library.
• My Hometown This will have two sides, one will be the normal one and the other will be more of an adventure one inhabited by a sort of be a pseudo-(my hometown) which would be inhabited by caricatures of people I know from my hometown.
• Roman Empire Ancient history is one of my great interests, and the Romans did create on of the greatest Empires in the world, so they will be tributed in this simulation as a personal vacation spot and maybe an experiment to see how the Romans would adjust to the modern world and future (This will be crossed with my Future History)
• Spider Robinson’s Callahan’s Place Sometime’s you need to go were every being knows your name and that is the idea of Callahan’s Place. Nothing more then a small Bar in the outskirts of New York popular among Aliens, Time Travellers, Talking Dogs and Mythical Creatures. This is my kind of bar. Also, I will have Naous come in to preform every once in awhile. Considering he is an alien mystic he will fit in fine.

Humans Can Be So Stupid

The hardest part about my life is that I’m human. A few years ago you may be hard pressed to get this out of me, but I am human. In the beginning when I was a cat or a wombat it was because being a human was so difficult and I may have felt that I was different from everyone else, eventually I graduated to Half-elves, androids and aliens, I guess I was insane a little, but I attribute it to the fact my classmates were all jerks and I didn’t want anything to do with them and apparently species was included.
I can remember that the principal tried to talk me into being a human and I reacted negatively, I didn’t attack her or anything, I just didn’t want to have anything to do with the human race. I can also remember when I was younger that I told my mom that I didn’t want to be human anymore. I guess I’ve always felt like I was an alien, that’s probably why I prefer non-humans.
Surprisingly, I once tried to kill the alien. I remember lying in the health room, crying and trying to force the alien-persona out of my mind. I guess that counted as an exorcism, if an exorcist ever reads this post. I would appreciate it if you could make a post about it.
In recent years I have just decided that humans fall into three categories, jerks, idiots and smart people. I just finished watching Schindler’s List in history so I will use Nazi Germany and the Holocaust as an example.

• Jerks are people like Hitler who want to cause harm. Jerks also include anyone who is a racist nationalist.
• Idiots are people like the hundreds of soldiers who killed the Jews and other minority groups in the holocaust because they were just following orders. My grade 7 and 8 class also falls into this category because I don’t like them, but they aren’t as bad as Hitler.
• Smart People are people like Schindler who try to do something about bad stuff. Other smart people are Atticus from To Kill A Mockingbird, Mahatma Gandhi, The Dalia Lama and Jesus.

So this is my theory. Not all humans are bad, but most humans are very stupid, but humans are still children on the evolutionary growth chart, at least I hope to God they are.

Smells Like Horde Spirit (parody of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana)

Call your tribe and their friends
It’s time to kick Roman rear-ends
What do we want, we want it all
They’ll be sorry for invading Gaul

The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls...

We’re not guys from Dungeons and Dragons
We’re the real thing, we’re Barbarians
We’re a bunch of smelly, Northern Pagans
Here we are now ,we’re Barbarians
Yay,......yay

Were going of to ransack Rome
because there’s nothing to do at home
Why do we take stuff away in sacs
will I’ve got this really big battle-axe

The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls...

During bad weather, we see Druids
They check the chicken’s body fluids
Don’t mess with us, cause we’re Dangerous
Here we are know, entertain us
Yay,....yay

No written language, or Alphabet
And yes, most of us are illiterate
Because of this it’s hard to rhyme
and..um, whatever, never mind

The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls, hey ya’ll
The Gauls, The Gauls, The Gauls...

So we got Rome, for our legroom
But who’ll fill in the power vacuum?
We don’t care so it don’t matter
The Byzantine’s rule now? Ah bugger.

Boadicea, and Attila, and Alaric
Vercingetorix

We’re Barbarians
We’re Barbarians
We’re Barbarians
We’re Barbarians
We’re Barbarians
We’re Barbarians
We’re Barbarians
We’re Barbarians
We’re Barbariaaaaaaaaaaaaaans

Atticus' Speech, A Found Poem using Harper Lee's "To Kill A Mockingbird,"

If you don't already know, To Kill A Mockingbird is a book written by Harper Lee. It tells the story of a trial in a small southern town during the Great Depression. This is a speech by one of the main characters, Atticus, who is defending Tom Robinson, a black man who is accused of raping a white woman.

Atticus was speaking easily
He walked slowly
Up and Down
In front of the jury
and the jury seemed to be attentive

Atticus paused
He unhitched his watch and chain
and placed them on the table
saying “With the court’s permission,”
Judge Taylor nodded
Atticus
unbuttoned his vest
loosened his tie
and took off his coat
and to me and Jem
this was the equivalent of him
standing before us stark naked

“Gentlemen,”
he said
“this case is not a difficult one,
it requires
no minute sifting
of complicated facts
this case should never
have come to trial
This case is as simple
as black
and white

The state
has not produced one iota
of medical evidence
to the effect
that the crime ever took place
It has relied
upon the testimony
of two witnesses whose
evidence
has not only been called into
serious question
on cross-examination
but has been
contradicted by the defendant

The defendant
is not guilty
but someone in this courtroom is

I have nothing
but pity
in my heart for the chief witness
but my pity
does not extend
so far as to
putting a man’s life at stack
which she has done
in an effort
to get rid
of
her
own
guilt

I say guilt
because it was guilt
She
committed no crime
She has broken
a code
a code so severe
that whoever breaks it
is hounded
from our midst as
unfit to live with

What did she do?
She
tempted
a Negro

No code mattered
but it came crashing down on her
Her father saw it
What did her father do?
There is
circumstantial evidence
to indicate that
Mayella Ewell was beaten
savagely by someone
who led almost exclusively with his
left hand
Mr. Ewell
swore out a warrant
No doubt signing it with his
left hand
and Tom Robinson
now sits before you
haven taken the oath
with the only good hand he posses, his
right hand

And so,
a quiet
respectable
humble Negro
who had the
unmitigated temerity to
feel sorry
for a white woman
has had to put
his word
against
two white people’s
I need not
remind you of their
appearance and conduct
on the stand
The witnesses for the state
have presented themselves
to you
gentlemen
to this court
in the cynical confidence
that their testimony
would not be doubted
confident that you
would go along with
the evil assumption
that all Negroes lie
that all Negroes are
basically immoral beings
that all Negro men are not
to be trusted around our women
Which, gentlemen
we know is a lie
You know the truth
some Negroes lie
some Negroes are
immoral beings
some Negroes are not
to be trusted around women
black or white
this is a truth
that applies to the
human race
and to no particular
race of man.

One more thing,
gentlemen
before I quit

Thomas Jefferson once said
All men are created equal
There is a tendency
for certain people
to use this phrase
out of context
to satisfy all conditions
We know
all men are
not
created equal
in the sense some people
would have us belief

But,
there is one way
in this country
in which all men are created equal
there is one
human institution
that makes a pauper
the equal to a Rockefeller
the stupid man
the equal of an Einstein
That institution
gentlemen
is a court
in this country
our courts are the great levellers
and in our courts
all men are created equal

I’m no idealist
to believe firmly
in the integrity
of our courts
and in
the jury system
that is no ideal to me
it is a living
working reality
Gentlemen
a court is no better
than each man of you
sitting before me
on this jury.
A court is only as sound
as the men
who make it up.
Come to a decision
restore this defendant to his family
In the name of God,
do your duty,”

Atticus’ voice had dropped
and he turned away
from the jury
he said something

“In the name of God,
believe him,”

Loki, a Breif Bio

Name: Loki
Species: depends on my mood
Age: We asked him and he said "You bloody well not ask me that again,"
Occupation: We don’t know. We think he recycles the holy empties of Asgard

Loki is just an extraordinarily over-the-top character. He is essentially a rock star without any musical talent and supernatural powers. He represents my views on fashion, blending a sort of Viking-Gothic thing. His clothing is mainly leather and black, but he has a thing for fur lining. The only trace of colour is his hair, which is red (I mean really red).

Calling Loki is a little vague. His character is androgynous and has claimed to be both a hermaphrodite and bisexual (which considering he is a hermaphrodite is kind of funny). Loki represents the more outrageous side of my mind, I’m not so sure how to explain it, he’s the party-extravagance-free love part of my mind on a very extreme level.

Because of Loki’s personality, he is very incompatible with Naous. Loki looks at Naous as an uptight and dull, Naous finds Loki to be overindulgent and self-destructive. Naous is a holy man, Loki has little if any interest in God. While Naous is calm and relaxed, Loki is erratic and unpredictable. Naous is the kind of friend you go to if you need advise, Loki is the kind of guy you go to when your looking for a good time.

The World According To Ralph: The Pros and Cons of Living With Humans

Hello, my many human readers.

(Which currently consist of, oh lets see, seven people, no eight, ten at the most, any ways)

Most people ask me "Ralph, how can you live so long with humans and not be completely insane?". Well, humans aren’t that bad. They’ll only drive you half insane. I have prepared a list of Pros and Cons of living with humans.

PROS OF LIVING WITH HUMANS

• U2 These guys are just a great band. I liked the new album, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb.
• Lord Of The Rings This was the first human book I ever read. It was to hard for me to read human at the time, so I gave up. Then I saw the movies and I read the book. Quite frankly I liked the book better.
• Live Music from the 60's when the musicians keep on saying "man" Don’t ask. I don’t understand it myself.
• Humans Yes, you guys are okay for all your quirks. I wouldn’t want to be a human, or live with humans for any extended period of time, but you guys are okay.

CONS OF LIVING WITH HUMANS

• Human Stupidity Was it not Lazarus Long who said "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity,". Well, if their’s one part of humanity I could do without is your unfortunate tendency to do stupid things. I’d make a list, but I don’t think I could fit everything on this.
• The Brady Bunch It reminds me of Soundgarden’s video for "Black Hole Sun," except without the weird faces. There is just something creepy about it.
• Expensive Beer I cannot express this enough. YOUR BEER IS TO EXPENSIVE!!!!!! It takes me ten beers to get relaxed. I have recently taken to brewing my own beer in the basement, I’m pretty sure that there is a law against this, but I don’t legally exist so their. In your face Parliament. In your face.
• Height Difference This is just annoying. My head is barely eye level with the kitchen table. I need to get a high chair to eat at restaurants. I’m under three feet tall, while humans are seven. You acn not imagine how annoying this is.

Well, these are the pros and cons of living with humans. Sorry for how long this was, I’ll try to keep more regular updates. Insidently if you guys have any ideas on posts, gladly tell me.

Pinky and Brain (parody of "Jack and Diane" by John Mellencamp)

Little ditty about Pinky and Brain
On was a genius while the other was insane
These two guys are a pair of laboratory mice
But they got a series cause their genes have been sliced
What do they do every night to prove their mousy worth
Brain sit’s around in the rodent cage
He makes plans to take over the world
Brain says "Hey Pinky you Pondering
what I am pondering off,"
Pinky says "I think so Brain
but them weasels are tough,"

A'singin
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the food pellets are gone
Oh yeah, The Brain ponder's on
Long after Pinky's intrest is gone, they walk on

Pinky sits back and listens to Brain’s new idea
About radio waves to take over blue jeans
Pinky asks Brain about people in shorts
Brain wakes Pinky upside with a pencil

Pinky say a
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the last plan went wrong
Oh yeah, Narf, Zort, Troz
What’s that got to do with the Wizard of Oz

Little ditty about Pinky and Brain
Two laboratory mice what more to explain

You May Be An Aspie If ... (Inspired by Jeff Foxworthy)

WARNING: These jokes are only funny if you are familiar with people with Asperger's Syndrome.

• You ever went to a Star Trek Convention to look for girls.
• You are fluent in Klingon and Elvish, but you don’t know the appropriate way to order in a restaurant
• Every time the kids played "Cops and Robbers," you were the Alien Ambassador
• If your classic book report assignment is rejected because the school board doesn't accept the works of Stan Lee
• If you check someone's mouth because they said "It's on the tip of my tongue,"
• If you find most or all of these things funny
• Other boys have pictures of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton in their lockers (scantly or not dressed), while you have a picture of B'Elanna Torres, from Star Trek: Voyager (fully dressed)
• You ever cheered for the aliens in the movies
• Your picture from the 1st Grade is called "Madonna and Child,"
• If you think a Hot Date is an overcooked piece of dried fruit

More Virtual Universes for I Would Have If I Had An Otherland Account

Here are some more virtual worlds that I would create on my network.

• Terry Pratchett’s Discworld This is a very funny series by British writer named Terry Pratchett. The basic idea is that you got a flat world on the back of four elephants standing on the back of a giant turtle and they are all flying about in Space. It is a highly magical world and is inhabited by these really quirky characters. I recommend you read the series.
• The Human University This isn’t anything much beside a dream I have. It’s basically getting the greatest minds in human history including Socrates, Buddha, Jesus, Colombus, Muhammad, Leonardo Da Vinci, Galileo, Darwin, Gandhi, Elizabeth I, Shakespeare and Einstein in the same building. I would just like to chat with these guys and see how they would react. Think how cool it would be to hear a debate between Jesus and Nietzsche, or Gandhi and Alexander, or all the founders of the world religions.
• Australian Dreamtime Australian mythology is a vast treasure trove of weirdness. I think it would be great to have this in my personal multiverse. For more information about Australian mythology go to http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/australian-mythology.php
• Neverland This isn’t as much for me, but for my sister Sprite. She loves the whole Neverland thing and I just would like to make this tribute to her.
• El Dorado The Mesoamerican City of Gold. This falls into a theme of Europe’s view of the world in early days. Off course, I’m giving the Aztecs and advantage against the Spanish by giving them more advanced technology. There will also be a Fountain of Youth in Florida.The simulation would be ruled over by Quetzacoatl. There was a good cartoon movie about El Dorado, I recommend you see it.
• World of Greek Mythology Greek Mythology is one of those things that should just be put in something like this. Greek Mythology is just great and full of lots of cool stuff. I would probably have my sim as Odysseus.
• Roman Empire This is like Greek Mythology, something that should be on the network. One of the characters recreated the Roman Empire, but I would just like to have this in my private network because I like the Romans. I might take it up a notch and make it so that the Roman Empire never fell.
• Tolkein’s Middle-Earth An additional must have. Middle-Earth is one of the great influences of my own Mythania. I would just like to see first hand what it would be like to be part of Tolkein’s world. This was also recreated in the novel.
• Larry Niven’s Known Space This falls in with the Ringworld and will cover all of Larry Niven’s excellent universe. Complete with my favourite aliens, the Kzinti.

This is it. I'd like to hear what you guys think.

Tedious Math or Act of God

So I was in math class, right, when my feet started feeling funny. Now this could be because I really, really don’t like math, but I felt like God was trying to tell me to take them off my feet because their leather and Hinduism is against that kind of stuff. I don’t know if it is the sooner or the latter, but the moment I got home I took my boots and leather coat off and put on some running shoes and a wool coat that I think makes me look like a Bohemian writer. I’ll tell you if Vishnu or Shiva or someone comes unto me in a vision.

Various Gods, multiple bios

Name: Luke
Species: leprechaun
Age: unknown
Occupation: Odd jobs, Celtic god
Once one of the most powerful of gods. Luke is now little more then a Leprechaun with amazing skills. He jumped the nearest boat to North America during the potato famine. Today he gets by doing odd jobs. He appears to humans as an old man with long grey hair that was once red and a thick Irish accent, his personality is harmless at first, but he is an incurable adventurer and risk-taker.
Luke has claimed that he is my grandfather nine generations back, but so far he hasn’t proven it.

Name: Omari Siris
Species: Egyptian god of the dead
Age: really old
Occupation: Roman Catholic Priest

Originally king of Egypt, then the underworld, now a small Roman Catholic church. Omari Siris is still kicking because of some spill of worship from Christianity because of the whole resurrection thing. He has since walked the fine line between Judeo-Christian-Islamic and Pagan religion, and invariably ends up playing referee.

Name: Sonny
Species: celestial monkey
Age: no idea
Occupation: King of the Monkeys, Buddha, does odd jobs

One of the most popular figures in Chinese mythology, Sonny immigrated to Canada as a rail road worker. He hasn’t done much since and spends most of his time manipulating the People’s Republic of China by sending open market and therefore destroying the Communist dictatorship that is suppressing Buddhists.
Sonny is by nature a mischievous rouge and scoundrel with little or no ties to any master, but is a devout follower of Buddha.

Daina, a breif bio

Name: Daina (true name is impossible to in any human language because of lack of back throat vibrator and shape of dvekti larynx)
Species: dvekti
Age: born 992 CSY - 3222 CSY
Occupation: First Mother Goddess of the Dvekti

Daina was originally a male wraith. Eventually we discovered that he was actually a she, and she evolved into a lesbian character eventually. I’ll admit it, originally it was out of some perverted sexual fantasy. Daina’s character has developed more since then.
The dvekti are natives of a currently nameless continent to the west. They inhabited the centre of the continent, which until the Goddess-Queen reigns of the Dvekti was a blasted wasteland. When they first encountered the Commonwealth, they where as far right on the political spectrum as a sentient being can be. The Commonwealth, being a socialist government, was therefore considered to be a threat so the Dvekti Coalition declared war on the Commonwealth in 893.
Daina was born in 992 to a class-seven worker drone and was sold of to a dvekti politician called B!kazda when she was six, the time when dvekti females hit puberty. She experienced attraction to a few of the women in B!kazda’s harem, but in an amazing counicidence another lesbian dvekti was able to help hide her feelings from the males, who would kill her and erase all evidence of her existence.

Daina and her companion, Kaylynn, later defected to the Commonwealth. Both were able to supply information to the Commonwealth because the politicians don’t believe that females are intelligent enough to understand politics and military strategy, which Daina excelled in both among the Commonwealth and soon became one of the major political figures in Commonwealth Defence.
Daina and Kaylynn were a magnet for Sentiologists. They were both homosexual, which was something that was incredibly rare in Dvekti, and the first lesbian dvekti known to Commonwealth science (they were called "A pair of breeding dvekti lesbians," by scientists as a joke). On genetic examination, Daina and Kaylynn exhibited a trait which was similar to the male homosexuality gene in some species (I read the concept of a male homosexuality gene in a book, so I thought I should do something about a female homosexuality gene would be an interesting concept to mess around with).
Daina was also the prime mover of the pease between the dvekti and the Commonwealth. Don’t ask me how, I haven’t come up with that but the dvekti lesbian gene should come into this somehow, but Daina and Kaylynn were able to ascend to a higher consciousness and overthrow the Dvekti Coalition in a matter of hours. They reigned as Goddess-Queens of the Dvekti until 3222 CSY.

Daina doesn’t represent anything in me. I just liked the character.

My Little Sister is a Blogger, click HERE and see for yourself

No, not Sprite. This is my younger-but-not-as-young-as-Sprite sister. If you like Harper Lee, well this ain't the site for you. Monty Python fans would love it thou.

If Steph had an Otherland Account

This is what one of my readers, Steph would do if she had an Otherland account. These are in her own words. I have a strange feeling that she is the only one who will be sending in one.

The world in Final Fantasy X: I forget its name, Spira, or something likethat maybe. Really all Final Fantasy worlds attract me since they all havemany similarities -magic, summoning, dragons, kings, knights, etc..- but Xinterests me most due to the dependence on nature and the habitat ratherthan technology. (I have an immense dislike for technology in most cases,especially when it makes it easier to be lazy. Technology feels the sameabout me).

The Three Kingdoms from The Sword of Truth Series: It has a lot offantastical creatures -both good and bad- that I would be very interested inat least seeing. Some people have "the gift" which is the ability to domagic. (Can you telll I have a thing for magic?) This world essentiallymirrors our world just adding the fantasy aspect to our mundane reality.

Richard Bach's world: It is our world, but he employs many theories tochange it in his book Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. You canwalk on water and swim in land if you so desire. Basically, you define whatis real and what isn't.

Harry Potter: Ok, this appeals to the kid in me. How awesome would it beto go to Hogwarts! Instead of complaining about my logic class for boringme into a coma, I could complain about my History of Magic class. Andstill, that one's taught by a ghost! How cool is that?! (Though I couldargue that my logic professor is a zombie...)

And that's all I could come up with for now (that you hadn't already used).

Thank you Steph. I would like to know which one of my ideas you liked, myself?

The Neverland Incident, An Adventure in My Network

To entertain my little sister (to protect her identity, let’s call her Sprite), I occasionally take her on Adventures. I’ve decided to use my Make-believe network as a place to have these adventures. I have also created her own simulation as a gift. Sprite loves Peter Pan, so for her first simulation we have developed Neverland. Which is were our story begins.

The Neverland simulation isn’t particularly big. It is merely a small island inhabited by the Neverland characters, Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Tinkerbell, The Lost Boys and the rest of them. The program hade only three beings who know that they are simulations, Peter Pan, Tinkerbell and Captain Hook. By personality Peter Pan and Tinkerbell didn’t quite care, but it was an obvious mistake giving Captain Hook, whose personality is programmed to the megalomania one would expect from him, wanted more.

I was first informed of the problem when Ralph came and told me that Captain Hook had escaped from the Neverland Simulation and was terrorizing the coast of Renaissance Italy (I use the word terrorize lightly because Captain Hook’s personality was so ridiculously childish that no one could take him seriously). I was able to get a boat in the Renaissance simulation but it was overtaken by the Captain and I was taken prisoner.

Ralph, however was in the Real World and was able to contact Sprite and tell her of my capture. We were unable to unplug me from the network because Captain Hook had somehow captured me in the simulation network. The only way for Sprite and Ralph to save me was to save me from the inside of the network.

Sprite was smart enough to enlist the aid of Hook’s nemesis, Peter Pan. Sprite and Ralph made their way to the Lost Boy’s HQ. The easily enlisted the help of Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. The easily enlisted the help of Peter Pan, but they hade to teach Ralph to fly. (The Neverland program allows anyone under 13 to fly, everyone else has to learn), Ralph was soon able to learn to fly and they were off to the location of Captain Hook’s ship which hade left the Renaissance and was currently trying to sail down the Ankh in the Discworld simulation. (There is a joke their you just have to be familiar with the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett).

Sprite, Ralph, Peter, Tinkerbell and the Lost Boys were able to find Hook’s ship by the large crowd who hade gathered to see Captain Hook try to organize his gang. Ralph was able to distract the pirates while the Lost Boys made their move. However, It appeared that Captain Hook hade brought in some allies from the Dune simulation, and next thing our hero’s knew, Harkonenn agents came out and started taking the battle to the enemies side.

Ralph was able to drag Sprite out of the chaos, and Ralph tried to get to a place where he figured they would be safe, but Sprite got lost and ran into a native of Ankh-Morpork, an inept "Wizzard," named Rincewind, who hade decided it was high time that he leave Ankh-Morpork. Rincewind reluctantly joined Sprite and the Lost Boys. Ralph was captured and it became apparent to Sprite that she wasn’t just dealing with Pirates anymore.

Sprite, Peter, Tinkerbell, Rincewind and The Lost Boys all ended up in the nervous system of the network, which is also home to Callahan’s Place. Sprite was able to get the regulars at Callahan’s Bar to send them to Oz, and summon up some confused Atredis soldiers to assist them (The Atredis and the Harkonenn are two warring families in Frank Herbert’s Dune Series, they both hate each other’s guts) So Sprite and her allies were able to march onto Emerald City with the help of the E.C.R (Emerald City Resistance) lead by Scarecrow. Sprite was able to break me and Ralph out of the prison, but we were taken prisoner and brought before the new rulers of Oz.

In the final battle, Peter and Hook ended up in some exaggerated sword fight, while Ralph and the Atreides forces held back the Harkonenn’s and Pirates. At the final moment I was able to reboot the system and everything was set right. Oz is back in the capable hands of Ozma, Baron Vladimir Harkonenn is still plotting against the Atreides, Rincewind is back at the Unseen University craving potatoes and Captain Hook and Peter Pan are still locked in epic combat. The only people on the Network who still remember these events are the Callahan Regulars, Peter Pan and the Lost Boys.

This is the story of our first adventures on the Network. Hope you enjoyed it.